Nice Guys Shouldn't Finish Last
Michael Clark
Issue date: 9/14/05 Section: Perspectives
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I was having a conversation online with a good friend of mine from back home. This kid, who we will call Dave, may be one of the more quality guys I know. In a pinch, you can always count on Dave to have your back. That's just the type of person Dave is. Dave, for all his great, selfless qualities, is unfortunately a bit gun-shy when it comes to dating. After his latest misadventure in the dating world, Dave came to me at his lowest low. Resigned to his own fate, Dave suggested scrapping his nice guy "image" if it meant more success with women.
That was not the first time I have heard a comparable story. And I knew that it wouldn't be my last time hearing it either. The sad truth is this: some men, while great human beings, go on without a woman in their life. Why is that? Why does the droning cliché "nice guys finish last" ring so true for some?
I would categorize myself as a "nice guy". At the risk of sounding pompous, I believe that my heart, compassion, and empathy are big parts of who I am. Some may see that sentence as egotistical, but I don't. I see it as knowing who I am, knowing my role, both in an abbreviated setting (Manhattan College) and a larger setting (society). I'll admit it; I'm a sucker for a pretty smile. While I do consider myself to be a "nice guy", I also realize that I am not limited to that title. It's simply a small part of who I am. That is a fact that is lost on a majority of "nice guys".
The truth of the matter is that all women need someone like Dave in their life. Boyfriends will come and go, flings and one-night-stands will happen. But through it all, Dave will always be there as a shoulder to cry on or a person to laugh with. In three years, most women will not remember Joe One-Night-Stand, but they will always remember Dave, the one that was always there.
All men need someone like Dave also. Dave is the guy you can vent your frustrations to and the guy that will play you in Madden when all your friends are out on dates. Dave is the guy you can walk up to and discuss some of the emotional problems you have that you don't feel comfortable telling other guys about. Men are internal beings that keep their emotions bottled up. Dave is the guy that men feel they can be vulnerable around and not be judged.
As popular as the term and title has become in the past few years, nobody wants to become a lifetime wingman. Even Dave deserves to be happy. But sometimes Dave has to step aside and realize something: you can go around saving other people but you will not be happy until you let others save you. A good heart and a "nice" persona are valuable character traits that should be embraced, not scrapped. Hours after the conversation I had with Dave, he sent me another message. He was about to go visit a friend in need. Good for you, Dave. You'll get yours.
That was not the first time I have heard a comparable story. And I knew that it wouldn't be my last time hearing it either. The sad truth is this: some men, while great human beings, go on without a woman in their life. Why is that? Why does the droning cliché "nice guys finish last" ring so true for some?
I would categorize myself as a "nice guy". At the risk of sounding pompous, I believe that my heart, compassion, and empathy are big parts of who I am. Some may see that sentence as egotistical, but I don't. I see it as knowing who I am, knowing my role, both in an abbreviated setting (Manhattan College) and a larger setting (society). I'll admit it; I'm a sucker for a pretty smile. While I do consider myself to be a "nice guy", I also realize that I am not limited to that title. It's simply a small part of who I am. That is a fact that is lost on a majority of "nice guys".
The truth of the matter is that all women need someone like Dave in their life. Boyfriends will come and go, flings and one-night-stands will happen. But through it all, Dave will always be there as a shoulder to cry on or a person to laugh with. In three years, most women will not remember Joe One-Night-Stand, but they will always remember Dave, the one that was always there.
All men need someone like Dave also. Dave is the guy you can vent your frustrations to and the guy that will play you in Madden when all your friends are out on dates. Dave is the guy you can walk up to and discuss some of the emotional problems you have that you don't feel comfortable telling other guys about. Men are internal beings that keep their emotions bottled up. Dave is the guy that men feel they can be vulnerable around and not be judged.
As popular as the term and title has become in the past few years, nobody wants to become a lifetime wingman. Even Dave deserves to be happy. But sometimes Dave has to step aside and realize something: you can go around saving other people but you will not be happy until you let others save you. A good heart and a "nice" persona are valuable character traits that should be embraced, not scrapped. Hours after the conversation I had with Dave, he sent me another message. He was about to go visit a friend in need. Good for you, Dave. You'll get yours.