Strippers Help the Food Taste Good
Tito Jackson
Issue date: 3/30/05 Section: The Triangle
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Sodexho has hired semi-professional strippers to entertain students while eating the exquisite cuisine in Locke's Loft. They will also provide opportunities for students to have their eggs made every morning by super-models wearing skimpy shorts and a low-cut bra, and have a shirtless muscle man scoop their ice cream for an evening desert.
Last year, the school had poles added into Locke's Loft in order to maintain molding scaffold from falling through the ceiling, a problem 47 years in the making that was finally addressed. The poles will finally go to good use, especially since the ceiling is expected to fall at any time due to unaddressed termite problems. Both male and female strippers will be dancing with the poles. Being desperate to have students show up for dinner, Manhattan College has placed limits on their clothes, saying that they must not have any.
Students were initially very happy when this improvement was first announced. After the big news circulated, students are now expressing their concerns about being able to find a seat at dinner, and being able to enjoy the show.
Tommy MacLashito Manhattan College sophomore said, "I may have to get to Locke's at 3 in the afternoon for an 8 o'clock dinner. With Locke's being a buffet, and not having any regulation as to time allotted to eat, people can stay all night just to enjoy the show. We are college students, and most of us do not have the cash because we spend all of it. I pity the fool who doesn't abuse this."
Students are not the only ones concerned. Sodexho has already started their "shakeup" in order to make room, both salary and positional, for the strippers. Four workers were handed their pink slip yesterday.
Orlandio Smith, now former Sodexho employee, was visibly upset as the tears poured down his eyes. He said, "I am living off of what I can bring home and I lost my job to some strippers? It's kind of like taking the prisoners out of jail and throwing the cops in. Damn man, just as I was going to be promoted to Assistant to the Assistant of Kitchen Patrol."
Over three months ago, Sodexho started asking their employees for ideas on how to increase dining attendance at Manhattan College. Two months ago, a decision board made up of 13 executives was sworn in. Just last month, the executive decision board decided the top four ideas for their ballot and voted on them. The ideas included hiring strippers, actually using pesticides, hiring professionals (chefs, supervisors, etc.), and threatening students. The pie chart provided illustrates how the board voted.
It has been released that hiring professionals would cost too much money, the company is supposedly using pesticides already, and threatening students could result in a lawsuit. Hiring strippers would cost Sodexho the least amount of money, and would feed directly off of hormone-driven young adults.